Sometimes the Holy Spirit (Ruah Ha’qodesh) uses situations of His own timing. For myself it is illness to slow me down and narrow my focus. While I am demonstrating how the Ruah works in your life as you try to live in obedience which the Bride does, I am going to explain using examples from my own life. Where appropriate I will back up assumptions or leading with verses from the Word.
In 2011, due to a new illness, Sarcoidosis (a not well understood syndrome where the body’s own immune system overreacts and forms nodules or cysts systemwide.) This is a simplistic view for now, but it better characterizes mine. I, being an RN by trade, investigated the illness while dealing with the ravages on my body and its ensuing treatment. I found more information online on the Inspire web site, where fellow survivors share information from their own journey through this valley of death or destruction. (Only 10 percent of those with Sarcoidosis get the chronic form of the disease, the kind that doesn’t go away on its own.) Though some get it specifically in the eyes (which leads to blindness), many go through the same rashes, pneumonia, cardiomegaly (heart-swelling), weight gain (due to high dosing of steroid treatment), exhaustion, back and joint pain, increased pain from old injuries (neck discectomy-in my case), breathing issues, loss of employment, loss of friends and/ or family and so forth. Aside from information, members of the various groups formed there, encourage one another when misinformation, neglect, devastation, or tragedy occurs in one’s life. It was a comfort to me, finding several friends and knowledgeable fellow sufferers on the web site. What was most comforting was the Comforter Himself, the Ruah Ha’qodesh. Like a time when I faced death due to Sepsis from a ruptured diverticulitis,after a vehicle accident, the Holy Spirit drew me closer to my Savior, the Ben of Yahuwah, some of you call the Son of God. I knew that I was at death’s door because two ICU nurses contacted me afterwards, they had been praying for me.
In those years, from 2005-2006, I began a Bible study with friends and family on the Internet; a study on Revelation chapters 1-3. I was leading the study which lasted for several months (5-6). It was an in depth study on the Ben, Yeshua, and seven churches in the Middle East, that were churches established by the Talmidim (meaning disciples or pupils). My relationship with Yeshua grew very close as I was in the Word every day all day, until I had to, for financial reasons, return to work. And even then I kept up my study. I was living in Corpus Christi, Texas at the time and due both to mistakes in the medical arena that brought me to death’s door in the ICU of Doctors’s Regional Hospital, and a refusal of treatment by most doctors in Corpus once they learned I had been in an accident, I chose (with my husband) to return to Washington State where I had lived most of my life. After the vehicle accident (I was hit from the side by an unlicensed, uninsured, illegal immigrant driving his bosses truck while on the highway going 70mph), my body began to suffer one blow after another fractures, bowel rupture, Sepsis, heart attack, pneumonia’s, cardiomegalys, stroke, and losses of family , friends, and employment.
It was in 2008, when I had to quit my job as an RN educator at the Navy Hospital on Whidbey Island. While my husband underwent back surgery for tremendous pain that also put him out of work for six months and I was caring for him, going to the hospital everyday to get him to do what the nurses could not get him to do in Seattle (a two hour drive and prayer in traffic), my body gave out. I could not breath, could not do activities of daily living (like getting dressed or bathing). I had a steady terrible cough that woke me up every morning, I was throwing up because I was coughing so hard. Thus began the start of a new illness. Investigating by labs and Xray , the doctors found swollen nodes in the hilar (middle) region of my chest (later to spread to my liver, spleen, and vocal cords-which caused me to lose my voice for 6 months). From tests and surgery, labs of pathology and cultures later, came the diagnosis of Sarcoidosis. “No worries”, the experts said, “Sarcoid usually goes away on its own”. It didn’t. I had been working on losing weight for 6 months (45 lbs, I lost), but instead of getting healthier I got sick and then came months and years on high dose steroids and trials of additional drugs like Methotrexate with Zofran and Leucovorin to control the nausea. A pulmonologist, my doctor, could not control the Sarcoid spread as he and my Internal Medicine doctor argued over dosing. I was losing hair, gaining weight, and nauseated every day on top of the horrid cough. I decided to see a doctor of rheumatology who I had worked with in the past (Dr. Jimenez) and I knew he was the best in his field in Seattle. We made changes (yes, he plans care with his patients,)
In the meantime, my husband and I made the decision to travel, live in an RV, while we could, to determine where the Father would take us. (I said, “Any where but the desert,” so you know where we landed-the desert.) I knew my Father Yahuwah was watching over me (us). You see it was in 2009, when dealing with all the losses and what followed financially that The Father showed me who He was. He opened my eyes as He showed me that He was the Architect of the Universe, the Owner of the Universes, the Father of the Son of my Salvation-to whom Yeshua addressed His prayers). He set my world on fire by showing me that He does not have to follow any rules, because He is the rule-maker, He can change any situation, or any heart. I needed that knowledge to deal with the heaviest blow that would come.
I was blessed when the Insurance company (a good company, Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield) okayed my usage of Humira, I will not go into all the explanations of what Humira does, suffice it to say it subdues the immune system-similar to steroids, but stronger. You need to undergo testing before using it, because there is an inherent danger in suppressing the immune system to the extent it does: infection can mean serious injury and death. For me, infection of the body means sin-they are equivalent symbolically. The immune system is like the laws Yahuwah gave us to keep the sin in check. This is a symbolism The Ruah H’qodesh gave to me several years before when I was trying to find out what/who Yeshua’s feet were. He showed me the symbolism between our bodies and the Body of Believers.
It takes a good doctor to defend Humira’s use as it is expensive. I started the medication and a couple months later, we left for the trip across the Northern US (my doctors were very wary of the trip). I have to inform you that the Father YHWH (yod hae vav hae- is the spelling of the Father’s Name in Hebrew) used his Ruah to direct our path for a specific understanding.
I actually developed some neck/jaw/ear pain that was mild to moderate, right before I left. I visited the dentist to make sure my teeth were all okay, had the yearly x rays, and visited my previous neurologist to make sure the surgical site (the neck’s C5-C7 discectomy and plate) was not acting up. He thought it was neuropathy related to the diabetes and increased my Neurontin-used for chronic pain. We did purchase a gun (the judge) for protection, I will give you the last Supper and Yeshua’s instructions as the reason why. (Luke 22:36 My husband had weapons training in the Army and was a retired Warrant Officer). Hint, It was our sword to accompany our Sword (of the Spirit-the Ruah.) We placed all of our belongings that were not in the Fifth Wheel in storage. If Yahuwah had not provided the means, we would not have gone. Aside from my husband taking an early retirement offered by the Postal Service, we found an amazing deal on a used truck, a Ford F350 with everything we needed, undercoating, clear coating, tow package. We did have to buy a hitch and bed-liner. I was a little picky about the appearance of the RV as we had to live in it for at least a year and a half. We got a Cameo which had the appearance of a small cottage, and not the Montana with the man cave. He chose the truck, I chose the RV and the mattress. My weight was up and I was having a little difficulty sleeping because of the neck/ jaw pain.
It was a wonderful trip through Montana and the Northern States. The only problem was that the pain was getting much worse, terribly worse. I have to tell you that even nurses are susceptible to the rule that patients suffering do not make good decisions, so don’t ask them what to do. My husband called our doctor, the dentist, the neurologist, the rheumatologist, all for advice. My Internal Medicine doctor put me on antibiotics, the dentist denied seeing anything on the x-rays when he took another look, the neurologist switched the Neurontin to Lyrica, which my husband was already taking, and the rheumatologist doubled the antibiotics and told me to hold the Humira, when the first set (7 days of antibiotic) did nothing.
The jaw and ear and neck pain was so severe, I could not use my right arm. I could not go outside and walk our dog, because the slightest breeze would put me in agony. I had to sleep what I could sitting up , because anything touching my face triggered the pain to a worsened state. This throbbing, overwhelming pain did not allow showering or combing my hair, or eating. I learned to drink lukewarm fluid from a straw. I could eat nothing but applesauce, scrambled eggs, and mashed potatoes lukewarm. Immediately once the pain triggered to its highest level, we would grab wash clothes soaked in hot water and rung out to apply to my right jaw/ear and hope for relief as we repeated the hot soaks frequently. We did pray, we prayed constantly. When one of the doctors called to ask how I was doing (I learned to use the speaker on my cell phone) I told him that if I did not find relief soon, I would shoot myself. He did not know I had a gun, but He did not say a word for a minute. Then He said, “I am very worried about you, I think you should revisit the idea of a dental or infection possibility”. I told him I would try when we reached my son’s house in Virginia who was stationed near Fort Lee. We called my daughter in law, Darija and asked if she had a good dentist who might see me, because I had a serious pain problem involving the jaw. She made an appointment for the first day I arrived in the town, Chester , Virginia.
Now some people, whether believers or not, might ask where my God was in all this. Believe me, Yeshua, was right beside me. I asked Him if He was showing me a glimpse of what he endured on the cross-was that the purpose? Whether in my prayers, or dreams, or the Word, there seemingly was no answer. On the day of my appointment, I praised Father Yahuwah for the pain, because in whatever situation He allows His child to face affliction, it is in our best spiritual interest. What the Ruah answered me occured that day.
After being in such pain for months, agony that for me was worse than the heart attack I suffered which lasted only 24 hours in 2007. I saw a very kind and gentle woman who made me her first priority. She ordered x-rays, as the dentist previously had done, and studied them closely. She came in after repeating one of the x-rays directing a slightly different aspect, even though all of it triggered the pain. She showed me the x-rays and explained, “Sometimes the back bottom molars are deceptive and have three roots. I can see what seems to be a shadow that may be the third root that is taking an unusual position. I am really concerned because of the Sarcoid and Humira, so I am quadrupling the antibiotics, and sending you to a very good endodontist who will see you tomorrow morning.” She patted my hand and added, “Sweetie, I am so saddened by what you are suffering and I will give you more pain meds, but I don’t think it will help. I will call you Internist and let him know what I strongly suspect. Do you think you can handle one more night of pain?” I cried when she told me what she understood to be the answer. While she was speaking, the Holy Spirit of Yahuwah spoke to me in that small still voice and told me that He had to get me to the right doctor to find the answer I needed. I nodded as she concluded, “You need to hold off on the Humira,call your specialist for directions.” Then she gave me directions for a follow up and to the Endodontists office, the prescription and two copies of the x-ways, both for the Endodontist and for my dentist. I tried to thank her but I could only look at her in gratitude. The pain over the last two months had kept my speaking to a minimum.
I did go to the appointment and the Endodontist told me that I was fortunate because only 1/1000 dentists would have figured out the problem. He worked on me for about 2 hours after giving me some of the sweetest relief in my life when he numbed the area well. He told me he was having problems while I was there because the root was perpendicular to the gum half way and then parallel. He had to change plans because he could not get to the root. I told him to pull it. Yeshua told us to pluck out our eye if it offends us in Matt 5:29. He did take it out after more numbing and got the whole thing, crooked part and all.
I had been praying for couple years how to know I was the Bride, what His real name was, and what was the secret He taught His Talmidim (disciples) that helped them stay in The Way. This is what the Ruah H’qodesh revealed to me relating to what I had gone through. There is always secret hidden sin in your life, and it is true because of what the Ben did in taking on the cross of salvation. When He paid the bride price of redemption you are (already) forgiven if you accept that your life is His. This is the meaning of the cup in the Garden of Gethsemane when He asked the Father to remove it if it was in his will. (Matt 26:39) The cup of bitter waters that convicts the adulterous woman accused by her husband. (Numbers 5) We all know we are sinners, just as Yeshua knows His Bride is the same. The price for Him was a tortuous death when He drinks the cup of bitter waters (wormwood,judgement).
Still the Ruah was telling me that you need to seek out the hidden sin in your life and confess it to the Father YHWH, He who was sinned against. He already knows and has already forgiven us because that is Who He is. He just wants us to acknowledge to HIm what we have done. Then when we confess and admit in repentance, we know that He faithfully and justly forgives us, because the price was paid by His Ben Yeshua H’Mashiah, our beloved Savior. In addition, the Ruah was demonstrating how the hidden sin of a Believer, or a group of Believers, causes untold suffering for His Bride, His Body of Believers. Sin hurts Him and us, not to mention separating us from the Father Yahuwah. And upon repentance, the relief is too wonderful to put into words (Just as removing the source of infection and pain was amazing). We know that we who are the Bride are set apart from the world and thus suffer its afflictions, but knowing we have the Father’s forgiveness and favor in addition to that of our Bridegroom, well, the light is so much sweeter when you have been in darkness; just as no pain is so much sweeter when you have been in agony.
While I know I could have explained in Bible verses and seemingly another sermon. My aim is to show you truth, even if it makes me vulnerable.
In the next blog, I will tell you more about the discoveries concerning the Bride, the dream and how I found both Yeshua and The Father’s Name. Father Yahuwah, bless this blog for whom it is meant and allow Your Ruah H’qodesh to open the eyes of those seeking the Bridegroom. For it is in His Name I ask this, amen.
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